Is Your Friend Actually a Friend? The Psychology of Fake Friends

Mar 94 min read

I think we have all had a fake friend at some point in our lives. Perhaps, they only appeared when it was convenient for them, constantly putting you down in subtle ways or disappeared when you were at your lowest. Fake relationships can be exhausting, leaving us questioning our worth and the authenticity of our other relationships. I think subconsciously we have seen the subtle red flag, but we refused to use a few little instances to make a conclusion. So we continue to endure, afraid of letting this friend go until the events add up and you realize that the friendship was not as genuine as you believed. One person might end the friendship and continue with their lives while another may break it off and come running back to that fake friend. In a way, it is not just a fake friend but a fake relationship as the person on the receiving end, also wants to reap the benefits of the friendship and becomes a fake friend also. We criticize people about their behavior, but we may all be guilty of the same thing, whether subconsciously or intentionally. Sometimes, we tolerate fake friendships because they offer us something—companionship, social validation, or even convenience. We hold onto relationships not because they are good for us, but because they provide temporary comfort, masking deeper insecurities or fears of being alone. We should not be afraid of being alone, I think in solitude we learn a lot about ourselves as we are no longer under the scrutiny of others so we can just be ourselves and in that we find peace.

This picture reminds me of the quote "When one door closes, another opens." I think we are afraid that if we leave a friendship, we may not find another one. The fear of loneliness often outweighs the pain of staying in an unhealthy relationship. We hold onto people who no longer serve us, convincing ourselves that something is better than nothing. But the truth is, when we let go of toxic friendships, we make space for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. It may not happen immediately, and the in-between period can feel isolating, but real connections are worth the wait. Walking away from a fake friend is not just about cutting ties—it’s about choosing yourself, valuing your peace, and trusting that better friendships will come when you allow them the room to exist.

Signs of a Fake Friend

1. They Don’t Support You

If a friend is never available for you when you need them, they’re probably not fully invested in your relationship. Rather than listening and offering emotional support, they may give you unenthusiastic affirmations or comments. Real friends will pay attention to your needs and provide encouragement.

2. They’re Overly Competitive With You

Friendships can sometimes include a healthy level of competition. However, you’ll know when the limit of this has been met. In fake friendships, competition is not good-natured or fun. Rather, it comes from a place of jealousy or their need to feel better than others.

3. They Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

Fake friends will often make backhanded compliments, quiet judgments, or disapproving looks in your direction. Sometimes, these behaviors are not outright or obvious. Still, they can leave you feeling betrayed and hurt.

4. They Always Need Attention

We all know someone who loves drama and being the center of attention. Friendships with a person like this may be conflictual, one-sided, and manipulative. Attention seeking behavior does not always look the same, but it is often an indicator of a fake friendship.

5. They Peer Pressure You

Peer pressure happens when a friend tries to convince or push you to act in ways that don’t align with your values or usual behavior. It can be direct or subtle and may occur in any social situation.

6. They’re Focused on Appearances

For some, the way a friendship looks on camera is more important than how it does in real life. If your “friend” is overly focused on making sure others know everything you’re doing together, this can be a sign of ingenuity. Pay attention to when they become shallow and determine whether or not you should end the friendship.

7. They Don’t Include You

Genuine friends care about making you feel welcome and cared for in their daily life. They want to have you around, and they enjoy spending time with you. If a friend regularly excludes you- or doesn’t seem to make any real effort to engage in quality time- it may be a sign they aren’t really your friend.

8. They Gaslight You

Gaslighting involves distorting someone’s reality to gain control or power. It can take many forms, but the goal is always to make the other person doubt their truth, memory, or competence. If a friend engages in gaslighting, it’s a clear sign they don’t have your best interests at heart.

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." — Oprah Winfrey

When you think about who would actually be there for you in those times of vulnerability, the answer isn't necessarily people that show up when things are easy or flashy. It's about those who stick around even when things change or the going gets rough. The true test of friendship and commitment is not in the highlights reels, but in the small, everyday actions of support. Consider who you would walk with if your limo broke down. Those are the folks that actually matter, the ones who recognize that life isn't always easy and choose to be by your side nonetheless.

Sources:

Gupta, S. (2023, August 25). 10 Signs of a Fake friend: How to spot one from a mile away. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-fake-friend-7775483

Lcsw, T. J. (2025, February 7). 18 signs of a fake friend. ChoosingTherapy.com. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/signs-of-a-fake-friend/